It's the day after Thanksgiving and I've just finished two meals worth of delicious left-overs for lunch and dinner. My wife and I played a game of Cadoo with our two daughters, which is the kids version of Cranium where you draw, sculpt, act, and guess your way to victory.

The last round of the game had me and Delaney battling for first place, with each of us having the most pieces on the board. My wife rolled Combo, which meant that whoever guessed the answer would get to place their piece along with my wife's - meaning that if either Laney or I got it then we would win the game.

I looked over at Laney and gave her an exaggerated evil eye. She glared right back at me and snarled "Bring it on Old Man!"

LOL - this was from the mouth of an 8-year old, and I couldn't help laughing my head off.

I won the game, but she came right back with "Oh yeah, well you're 39!"

I guess the high competition gene runs deep in this family (I know it's a big part of my personality), and I'll always remember how witty and funny she can be.

My wife and I went to Hawaii two weeks ago for our first vacation without the kids in 14 years. We had a great time snorkeling, sailing, shopping, eating, laying in the sun, and just plain relaxing. The only other time we've done something like this was on our honeymoon.

Towards the end of our trip I started journaling about all the things I wanted to improve upon when we returned. My list included a lot of the usual types of resolutions: workout every day, tackle several household projects that have been on my wife's honey-do list for years, take my kids out on daddy-dates, cook dinner once a week, spend more quality time with my wife, etc, etc.

These are all good things, but here I am a week away from our return to reality. I have not even stepped through the door of the gym, let alone planned a daddy-date or even flipped through a cooking magazine to find a recipe.

My great intentions met what I'll call The Gravity Factor full force Monday morning of last week. We got home from the airport late Sunday night and didn't get to bed until 2 in the morning, and then I had to get up for work 4 hours later and start the daily grind. It was a pressure-cooker week getting ready for a 2-day training seminar that I was teaching, that started on Tuesday, followed by preparation to teach the same training to a group of 20 partners in San Francisco this week (leaving tomorrow).

I ended up putting in close to 60 hours last week, and it wasn't until Saturday that I was finally able to spend any time with my family. Looking forward to the chance to finally start in on my goals and resolutions, I started the day by raking the lawn and then took the family out for breakfast (actually my daughter asked me if I'd take her out for breakfast and I suggested we bring the whole gang).

We got back and my wife decided I needed a firm reminder that the garage was still a mess, and wondered out loud (with a frustrated tone) if it would ever get it cleaned up (background: I've needed to do this for over 2 years, and so her frustration was warranted - but her timing sucked. It was extremely deflating for me to hear that right then, after the rough week at work, and after I was just starting to try and tackle my Super Daddy goals that I had been wanting to get to all week).

This is what I mean about The Gravity Factor.

We want to be better dads and do right by our families, and keep everything balanced. But it seems like whenever we so much as start to tackle our goals, we're hit head-on by a heavy workload, or our cars suddenly decide to break down, or the washing machine decides to start leaking, or our wives decide it's the perfect time to remind us of our history of failure, which completely knocks the wind out of us and makes us wonder whether it's even worth trying to improve (that may not be their intentions, but that's what it ends up feeling like on our end... well, mine anyway).

Can you relate?

I'm not going to give up, but this struggle is getting old. I also realized this time around that there are too many things I need to improve on, and that I just flat out don't have the ability to achieve them all. I may never be the kind of dad I want to be, or that my wife wants me to be.

Maybe that's the first step: realizing that you just can't do it all.

Soccer practice started today for my oldest daughter (age 10), and my wife just informed me that we'll have soccer practices every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday evening for our three kids combine. The Soccer Jamboree event will be at the end of August, and then games start every Saturday (meaning three games every Saturday in addition to the practices during the week).

YIKES!!

Fortunately the practices are all at the same school, with each child at a different field. So at least we won't have to cart them around to different locations.

My kids are totally pumped too! We already started practicing soccer kicking in the backyard after practice today with all three kids, and I was impressed with how much my kids had retained from last year's soccer training.

I'm really looking forward to the season too, even though it's going to be a hectic schedule. I won't be coaching at all this year, so I'll be able to sit back and cheer my kids on from the side lines. Talk about a great way to unwind from a long day at the office!

One of the other dads happens to be the same guy who sold me my road bike, and we're both planning to bring our training stands and bikes next Wednesday. Heck, it'll give us a solid hour of riding, which means I can stop working out early in the morning. It'll also give me a chance to get to know him better, and maybe learn something about him other than just our mutual interest in cycling.

I also have my eye on just bought a new zoom lens for my Nikon D50 DSLR camera (the Nikon 70-300mm f/4.5-5.6G ED-IF AF-S VR Zoom Nikkor Lens), which should help me capture some great shots of my kids in action. My folks gave us the camera last year as a much appreciated gift. It takes exceptional pictures, but the lens that came with it doesn't zoom in close enough when my kids are half way across the soccer field. This new zoom lens should take care of that nicely, and will be well worth the money when we look at the close-up photos years from now. I shopped around and found the cheapest deal at Amazon, which beat Costco's deal by $20 and includes free shipping.

The busy schedule should keep us scrambling through the end of October, and I'm looking forward to seeing our kids work hard and learn a great sport.

After that, it'll most likely be dance for the girls, and Karate for me and my 6-year-old son. I took American Free Style Karate for two years during college, and earned a blue belt in a dojo that requires 7 years of training to earn a black belt (compared to the numerous blackbelt mills that let students earn a black belt after only a year's worth of training). That was almost two decades ago though, and so it'll be interesting to see how well I do at it this time around.

One thing for sure: these are the times that parents live for, and the memories built during sports events are absolutely priceless.

I'm the self-designated Time Cop in our family - another way of saying I'm completely anal when it comes to getting places on time (or better yet early).

"Early In, Early Out" is my motto. I always like to arrive 5 or 10 minutes early to scope out the lay of the land, get comfortable with my surroundings, and build in margins for unexpected delays. This approach serves me extremely well at work where it comes across as good planning, but on the home front it's a little overbearing at times.

To make matters worse, I married someone who is completely the opposite. She likes to be 10 or 15 minutes late to almost everything (except her hair appointments of course), and we're always the last couple to leave the party or the church parking lot.

It's a lot of work to get anywhere on time with 3 kids. But instead of standing at the bottom of the stairs and calling out the time every few minutes (my usual routine), I'm starting to learn that a less stressful way to get the family places on time is to play a more active role in getting the kids ready to leave. I'm not good at doing the girl's hair, so I leave that to my wife, but I'm plenty capable of helping brush teeth, getting them dressed, putting the dog away, etc.

This may sound completely obvious to many of you, but for some reason it's taken me a long time to figure this one out... and I still haven't perfected the technique by any means.

I've also started to realize that being on time is not nearly as important as just being together. Getting to our destination a little late is often a good trade-off for getting there in good spirits - without the anxiety and stress of me continually barking at my kids and wife to get ready on time.

A house sold in our neighborhood several months ago, and the new neighbors have a full grown white pitbull with black spots. I met him up front and personal last week when he was roaming the sidewalk in front of our house where my kids were playing.

Trying to stay calm, I walked over and escorted my 6 year old son inside at about the same time as the owner came running over to catch his dog. I was pretty ticked, and told him "You can't let your dog out like that man!" He jokingly laughed it off and I followed up with "No dude, you CAN'T!"

That's when I heard my wife calling out "Honey..." in her warning tone, which is her clue to me that I'm being a jerk.

I couldn't help it though. I watch the news and hear of numerous pitbull attacks, where the dogs turn and attack with such intensity - and often don't let go until serious damage or death has been inflicted on their victim. Yes, I know other dogs attack people too, but they aren't nearly as lethal of a threat as pitbulls are, and I do not EVER want to see 160 pounds of pure muscle and teeth tearing into one of my kids!

Is it unreasonable for me to expect or hope that my kids could just safely play outside, without having to worry about a lethal threat turning into a fight for their lives?

I talked to the owner later and explained my concerns about his dog being loose, and found out that this was actually the second time that day. That was a week ago, and we just returned from a 4-day vacation only to discover the dog roaming in our front yard!

Clearly the owner is not taking enough precautions to keep their dog contained, or on a leash. I'm very concerned as it's summer vacation and my kids play outside a good part of the day (along with several other young children from families in nearby homes).

He claims that he's raised this dog since he was a baby, and that he's a good dog as long as you treat him well. Yeah, right... that's what all pitbull owners say. But the fact remains that even if a kid mistreats a dog, that doesn't justify the possibility of them losing their lives or becoming seriously injured. Kids are kids after all, and they don't always do the right thing, or even know what the right thing is.

Have you experienced pitbulls near your kids? How did you handle it?

I'll be checking on city ordinances today, and will be filing a complaint with the police every time I see that dog loose. There's no reason in my mind that we should have to live in fear.

Regan called me over yesterday to proudly show me how he could zoom across the monkey bars on our swing set, and then climb up through the last rung and over the roof of the connecting tree house. He was grinning from ear to ear, and it reminded me of how my brothers and I would climb pine trees in the back yard of our apartment complex at his age. We'd climb everything in site actually, even the backside of the concrete stairs leading up to our 2nd story apartment.

One time out of curiosity I stuck my head through the open stair steps and realized I was completely stuck. I hollered at my brother to get help, and my mom came running out to see me dangling underneath the stairs with my head stuck about midway up.

We must have given her literally hundreds of adrenaline rushes and numerous near-heart attacks in those days. There was never a dull moment when me and my brothers were playing together, and there's never a dull moment with my kids either!

Later that day my daughters invited me to their "restaurant", which was a lawn chair under the patio set in our backyard. They each took turns taking my order for dinner and dessert, and all the food was carefully made "with love times 4" (my favorite number).

For dessert they made me a delicious strawberry rhubarb pie with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It was served on a cracked red frisbee, and the ingredients were a half-inch layer of mud and twigs with three overly-ripe cherries on top. Yep, nothin' but the good stuff for good ole' dad!

Kids have incredible imaginations! It's like they can instantly transport themselves into another world, where the sky's the limit to what can happen.

Why is that so hard for us grown-ups to do anymore, and when did we lose that ability?

Maybe it's the constant daily grind at work that continually forces us into a routine that's void of imagination or creativity. Maybe it's the constant struggle to stay on top of bills, let alone make your dreams come true.

Maybe it's just reality - one my kids will have to face one day soon enough... but there's no rush in my opinion. I'm glad they can just be kids, and I want that to last as long as it seemed to last for me growing up as well.

My wife and I are fortunate to have grandparents fairly close by who adore our kids and are eager to help with babysitting. They do a great job and we trust them enough to be leaving our kids with them later this year while my wife and I head to Hawaii (our first real full-week vacation in 14 years - and without the kids too).

We also have a few gals from our church network of friends who we use occasionally. Recently we even received a letter of recommendation from the local YMCA, certifying that our next door neighbor's 13-year old daughter had passed their babysitter training and certification program. I was pretty impressed that she had taken the program and learned some valuable child care skills, including CPR and basic first aid.

This might be something worth looking into if your child is 13 years or older. It might also be a great way for them to earn some extra money over the summer months while school is out.

I know that not all of you have convenient babysitting options available however. I've spoken with several other dads (and moms) at work who don't have family in the area, or who don't know of any friends with children who are old enough to babysit.

One mom I talked with said she and her husband hadn't been on a kid-less date in SEVEN years! That's most likely on the far extreme, but it made me wonder what we would do if we were in their shoes.

Speaking of babysitting options, I recently found out about a national babysitting service called SitterCity. They're a babysitting match-making service with literally hundreds of thousands of sitters nationwide. They do full background checks with a four-step screening process for applicants. I was also impressed that SitterCity recently partnered with PETCO to provide babysitters who can also watch your pets - not a bad idea if you ask me, and it gives SitterCity even more credibility.

Dads, if you're reading this I'd love to hear from you. Would you be comfortable using a service like SitterCity to get a night out with your wife?

They seem trustworthy, and there's a link on their site where you can read ratings and testimonials from people who have used their services. Here's one that stood out to me:

I have lived in Fairfield County for two years and have been unable to find a babysitter. I learned of your site in Kiplinger's magazine. I logged in, posted a job and had eight replies within a day. I interviewed one candidate and hired her for a job that very day. She was great. My kids really liked her and my husband and I can have a life again! Thank you so much for a wonderful service.
-Catherine L., Trumbull, CT

Check out their web site when you get a chance; I'd like to know what you think.

And if you already have a trusted babysitting source, but it's been a while since you've planned a date with your wife, then consider this your wake up call!

Last night my wife showed me an excerpt that my daughter had written in her daily camp journal. It read "Sometimes my dad doesn't listen to important stuff. What should I do?"

OUCH - I feel like I've completely failed her in a very important area!

Day camp finished up about a week ago, and I wasn't aware they'd be encouraging the kids to write things in a journal - but I'm very glad they did, or I might not have known that I was missing the mark with her.

At work, I'm big on performance evaluations, and (not to toot my own horn) I usually receive good comments on a job well done. I've been a software developer for over 13 years, and I know how to excel in the workplace. But I clearly still have a ways to go on the home front.

Performance evaluations are hard to swallow when they reveal areas that need improvement; especially when they come from your child, who your poor performance has deeply hurt.

I've been reading story after story in Tim Russert's new book "Wisdom of Our Fathers: Lessons and Letters from Daughters and Sons", about things father's did or said to their kids when they were even younger than my daughter. Each story is told in vivid recollection of their father's impact in their life at even that very young age. I too can distinctly remember certain childhood events as if they happened just yesterday.

Reading my daughter's journal entry was a real wake-up call for me. I hope I can improve my listening skills and discover what the "important things" are to her, so that she knows how much I truly care for her and love her. And I hope that those are the memories she'll hold onto; instead of the day she wrote a sad entry in her camp journal!

That's the thing that's so hard about failing as a father. It feels so permanently etched in time and in your child's memories.

My kids use the computer as much or more than any other electronic device in our house - including their Nintendos and Game Boys. They play games online, they do research for school projects, and it won't be long before they'll want to start blogging or visiting social networking sites that their friends have told them about.

As a parent, I want to be know and understand the dangers that are lurking on the Internet so that I can protect my kids. I want to pro-actively educate and train my kids to make wise decisions when they're on the web, and I also want software tools in place that will protect them when they make poor choices.

Internet security vendors like Symantec (makers of Norton Antivirus), McAfee, and Panda Software have already started gearing up for the challenges our kids will face on the Internet. Each of them has an entire section on their web sites dedicated to online family safety and protection.

Panda Software - Children and the Internet
Symantec (Norton) - Family Resource Center
McAfee - How to Protect Children Online

Here are some chilling statistics from Panda Software's child security web site:

1. 25 percent of five-year olds use the Internet.
2. In 2004 more children used the Internet than adults.
3. 44 percent of children have felt sexually harassed on the Internet.
4. 28 percent of minors visit pornographic web pages.

Children accessing pages with violent content: 38%
Children accessing pages with racist/xenophobic content: 16%
Children entering chat sessions about sex: 26%

5. 50% of children use the Internet alone.

Wow, this list really got my attention! It prompted me to start an all-out strategic battle to protect my kids from these dangers, while still letting them safely enjoy the games and resources that are available on the Internet.

Here are three important battle fronts that I am focusing on to meet this challenge, and the tools I'll be armed with along the way:

1. Education - helping my kids to understand the dangers they face online, and teaching them how to handle themselves safely online.

   The websites I listed above provide some great information about how to safeguard your system to protect your kids from online threats. In particular, I liked the article titled Top 10 Ways to Protect Your Kids Online. It helps parents discuss topics like making sure kids understand basic rules for using social networking sites such as MySpace and blogs, and that it's imperative that your kids let you know if they arrange in-person meetings with people they meet online.

   My two youngest kids are a little too young to discuss some of the dangers of Internet usage, but these tips will come in handy when talking about it with my oldest daughter. I think it will grow more and more important for my wife and I to teach our kids how to handle themselves safely online, and show them how to avoid the dangers and pitfalls found on the web.



2. Protection - making sure my kids are not exposed to inappropriate web sites, and are protected from hackers who might try to gain access to my system.

   Last night I installed Panda Internet Security 2007 on both my home computers (the work station upstairs, and my wife's laptop that the kids play on downstairs). I chose it because it comes with a powerful Parental Control module that filters web site content and also protects against viruses, spyware, adware, malware, and even system hijack attempts.

   In fact, while I was writing this article, my neighbor tried to hijack my high-speed wireless connection and Panda notified me of the attempt and blocked access to my network. It also showed me his IP address in case I wanted to take further action. That's the kind of realtime intruder protection that I want in place.

   I compared Panda against Norton and McAfee with a crazy malware detection test (where I actually intentionally installed a malware program to see which of them would recognize and protect against it). The results of this test left me with a clear winner in Panda Internet Security 2007. Here's the article: Norton and McAfee Failed to Protect My System from Malware and Viruses

   Here's a link for a Panda Internet Security 2007 $15 Discount Coupon and they offer a free trial download as well.

3. Monitoring - keeping an eye on the web sites my kids are visiting, the IM chats they're participating in, and the programs they're running.

   Even with web site content filtering in place, I want the ability to monitor other types of Internet usage such as IM chats and email.

   I started using a program called PC TattleTale Parental Control that takes screenshots of my system every few seconds, and then lets me view it in a video-like display whenever I want to check up on my kids online activities. It's a slick tool that also traps keyboard usage and lists all programs that were used on my system.

   Here's a link to PC TattleTale's free trial download.

   

I feel a lot better now that I have a solid strategy in place for protecting my kids online, and some good tools to make the job easier.

What tools are you using for web site filtering or system activity monitoring?

This morning in the shower my 8-year-old daughter knocks on the shower door with a pack of multiplication flash cards in her hand. "Daddy, remember you said you'd help me with these today?"

We ran out of time last night during bedtime tuck-ins and I had promised her we'd do it today (although I wasn't planning on doing it first thing in the morning). But there she was begging me to do flash cards first thing in the morning, just like that lady on the Mervyn's commercials "OPEN, OPEN, OPEN".

Keep in mind that school has been out for two weeks now, and this was completely her own initiative. Her enthusiasm made me smile, and I just couldn't refuse cruising through a stack of flash cards after finishing my shower. She was so excited about the whole thing, and it really made me happy too!

But wait, there's more. Next, my 6-year-old son comes in as I'm ironing my work clothes and says "Dad, remember how we used to do that wrap up thing with the towel?"

"Oh, you mean 'Sack of Potatoes'?" I asked? "Go get a towel and we'll do Sack of Potatoes!"

'Sack of Potatoes' is where he puts his hands down to his side and I wrap him up with a towel. I hoist him up onto my shoulders like a sack of potatoes, toss him on the bed, and then yank hard on the end of the towel - lifting him off the bed a few inches and rolling him over a couple of times in mid air. My kids absolutely love this kind of torture!

I had a grin on my face the entire drive in to work this morning. Can you blame me?