Do you have a son or daughter who is 9 or older, who thinks they're turning 13? Notice how when they hang out with their friends for a couple hours they come back a completely different person?
If you don't mind my being honest, I have to admit that lately I've felt more and more clueless as a dad when it comes to my oldest daughter. I love her dearly, as I know you do yours, but all of the tricks I've learned so far seem to no longer work with her.
She goes through these phases where she feels compelled to challenge everything that me or my wife says, and argues tooth and nail about every decision we make. The phases last a week or two, and then she's back to her sweet angel self.
By then she's typically grounded from everything we can think of (friends, TV, computer, and Nintendo DS), and I've completely lost any resemblance of a kind, loving, and patient father.
I'm sure this is all normal behavior for a young child developing their independence, but I don't want it to be a dividing factor in our relationship. It doesn't feel healthy to always be losing my temper and getting in these big arguments with her over every little thing.
I asked my wife for advice, and she felt I needed to listen more to her instead of jumping on her case and dishing out consequences for bad behavior. I'm working on that, and I'm also trying to spend more time connecting with her before bedtime (which seems to be when she most wants to talk).
What works for you?
If you don't have a son or daughter at least the age of 10, then please hold off on replying. No offense, but I'm looking for veteran advice here guys - from someone who has been through it and figured out some healthy ways to cope with their children's budding independence and attitude problems. After all, I thought I knew the game myself up until now...
Hey there, well, as parents
Hey there, well, as parents of a 15, 12, 10, and 7 year old we are diffinately understanding. All of our children have gone through this same thing, and yes, you are clueless. At least that is what they think!) The best advice we can give you is stick to your guns as far as the consequence for the negative attitude, but as far as arguing with her...well, girls will argue till the death IF there is someone to argue with. Thats the key. Tell her what you expect, give her no chance to reply and turn away. SHe will not argue with your back. This is not being mean, just simply letting her know that you are in control of the situation and you are choosing not to argue with a 10 year old. It will be hard the first couple of times and you will probably hear how rude you are and that dreeded UUUHHHHH out of her, but she will get the picture real quick. It does pass. It is simply a season for them. Wait till 6th grade. SHe will discover boys....we will talk again!I hope this helps, let us know.