According to a recently published article on RedOrbit, many parents admit they bribe their kids for everything from getting good grades, to cleaning up their dishes after dinner and going to bed on time.

It's definitely easier to throw a reward out there for good behavior, than to exhibit the kind of consistent parenting that helps kids do what's expected of them without expectation of reward. That might sound a little judgemental, but I really don't think we're doing our kids any favors by bribing them.

Isn't it our job as parents to prepare our kids for the real world? The real world doesn't give you a medal every time you do what's expected of you, so why should we build that expectation in our kids?

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect our kids to finish their food and take their dishes to the sink when they're finished eating. That's definitely not something that kids will naturally volunteer to do, but it's also not something worthy of a reward - it's simply expected behavior (or should be anyway imho).

If our kids want to earn some money, then we'll give them some extra chores to do. Vacuuming the living room, or helping to clean a bathroom are not tasks that we expect our kids to perform, so they're worthy of a reward.

Picking up their rooms after play time is however expected behavior, and so we don't reward them for doing it.

It's not the easiest route to take, but we're consistent with it, and there are consequences we can impose if expected tasks are not completed. Consequences like "sorry, but you won't be able to go to your friend's house until you have finished cleaning your room". It's way harder to crack down when the kids get older; it's much easier to start hard and loosen the reigns later on.

And maybe along the way our kids will develop a sense of doing something simply because it feels good to do it right, and not because they're looking for a reward.

Reality Check:

If you haven't noticed, I used the terms "we" and "us" a lot in the words above to refer to me and my wife. But in reality I used to be the first one to throw out a bribe. Yep, it was by far the easiest way to get an older sibling to chill out while I take care of the younger sibling, or to keep the kids quiet so I could get some work done at home.

The "we" and "us" part came into play when my wife helped me see what I was teaching my kids by doing this - that they deserve a reward every time they obey, and every time they do something that should just be "normal, expected behavior". That's not the kind of reality I want them to grow up believing.

If you saw my post titled Second Quarter 2007 Father Goals you noticed that goal #2 was to listen to my wife, because she's the resident expert when it comes to family stuff. This is one area where I'm glad I decided to listen to her early on!