With warm, sunny weather finally arriving here in Oregon, I decided to check off a few task items on my Honey-Do list (that list of things my wife has been nagging me to do with the house for months).

After knocking out some of the low-hanging fruit tasks, like buying moss killer for the lawn and taking my old grill to the dump, I got out the shovel and started digging out a path along the side of our house.

As soon as I started digging, my kids immediately materialized out of nowhere and asked if they could help. "Please dad, can we help dig the path?" In fact, 9 times out of 10 my kids want to help me with whatever project I'm working on - I've even had them ask if they can help me scoop dog poop out of the back yard! They just love to do things with their dad, and I'm sure your kids are the same way.

Projects are natural kid-magnets, and I think that instead of shooing our kids away, we should take advantage of the opportunity to connect, and turn the project into a memory builder!

I don't think my kids will ever reminisce about the paint job I did on the kitchen, or reflect fondly on the crafty job I did on our crown molding. But I guarantee they'll remember the path project that "we" did "together".

I took my family to the Oregon coast this last weekend from Thursday to Sunday for a min-vacation... fully expecting the beach house we rented to have wifi, or at least a cable Internet connection. I figured I'd be able to sneak in some laptop time in the wee morning hours, before anyone woke up, and before my wife could catch me in the act and conclude the my work is still more important than my family.

But would you believe they had zero Internet connectivity?!? I finally found a coffee shop on the 3rd day that had free wifi, so I could at least check email and see if I had sold any software licenses, check on my online Java class I teach at PCC, check my affiliate advertising revenues for the dozen or so websites I run, check the stock market, and my account balances.... dang! - am I pathetic or what? Definitely overloaded and in need of some scaling back.

The almost-zero-Internet weekend turned out to be just what I needed though; and just what my family needed too. Once I made it through the first few rounds of technology withdrawals, I was able to focus on my family, relax, and even realized how nice life can be without my web-enabled vices.

We went for a long family bike ride, climbed sand dunes, ran down sand dunes, grilled steak and chicken kabobs, watched movies, and drank wine. I finished reading Babyproofing Your Marriage, and was even the one who suggested a shopping trip to the outlet mall in Newport - something I knew would help recharge my wife's batteries. We had a really great time!

Life seemed full of bliss, until we got home and reality found its target. The battery on our Sequoia is about 5 years old, and for some reason it decided to go belly up on us just as I finished vacuuming the sand out of it. My wife went to start it to get some groceries, and it wouldn't even turn over the engine.

I put it on the charger for a couple hours and it started right up, and my neighbor used to be a mechanic so he hooked up his voltmeter to verify that the alternator was working fine. But he suspected the battery was on its last leg and suggested we replace it. So I headed over to GI Joe's and bought a new one.

As I was putting it in the truck, I didn't notice that the terminals on the new battery were opposite from the old battery. Positive was on the left and negative on the right, instead of the other way around. When I hooked up the cables, sparks flew, the horn went off, and the 120 amp alternator fuse blew to pieces.

But wait, the story gets even better.

I took the battery back to Joe's (I was still in their parking lot) and swapped them for the old one. They didn't carry the fuse however, so I called my wife to come pick me up. We drove around town for a half hour or so at around 6:30, only to discover that all the shops close at 6:00 p.m. on Sundays.

The Sequoia spent the night in Joe's parking lot, and I had to call a tow truck in the morning to take it into the shop to replace the fuse. It turned out to be the kind that's bolted in underneath, but you can't tell by looking at it. In fact, I couldn't even tell after breaking it completely to pieces trying to remove it with needle nose pliers.

Two hundred and ten dollars later (pulled from our emergency savings account), and two hours late to work, we finally had it working again and life went back to normal.

I had to work until 6:30 to make up for being late for work (since I had used up my vacation time on Thurs and Fri), but the ordeal has passed and my wife can resume carting our kids around to their various activities - such as T-ball tomorrow afternoon for my 5-year-old son.

Life is good though, and I'm grateful for the chance to get away for the weekend without all the distractions of reality, and just enjoy my family.

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According to a recently published article on RedOrbit, many parents admit they bribe their kids for everything from getting good grades, to cleaning up their dishes after dinner and going to bed on time.

It's definitely easier to throw a reward out there for good behavior, than to exhibit the kind of consistent parenting that helps kids do what's expected of them without expectation of reward. That might sound a little judgemental, but I really don't think we're doing our kids any favors by bribing them.

Isn't it our job as parents to prepare our kids for the real world? The real world doesn't give you a medal every time you do what's expected of you, so why should we build that expectation in our kids?

I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect our kids to finish their food and take their dishes to the sink when they're finished eating. That's definitely not something that kids will naturally volunteer to do, but it's also not something worthy of a reward - it's simply expected behavior (or should be anyway imho).

If our kids want to earn some money, then we'll give them some extra chores to do. Vacuuming the living room, or helping to clean a bathroom are not tasks that we expect our kids to perform, so they're worthy of a reward.

Picking up their rooms after play time is however expected behavior, and so we don't reward them for doing it.

It's not the easiest route to take, but we're consistent with it, and there are consequences we can impose if expected tasks are not completed. Consequences like "sorry, but you won't be able to go to your friend's house until you have finished cleaning your room". It's way harder to crack down when the kids get older; it's much easier to start hard and loosen the reigns later on.

I'm reading a book called Babyproofing Your Marriage from HarperCollins, and can hardly put it down (thanks for the recommendation Felicia!). Even though my kids are long past their baby years, this book's subtitle "How to laugh more, argue less, and communicate better as your family grows" is definitely living up to its claim!

Check out my review comments on "Babyproofing Your Marriage" in the Recommended Reading section. This book is definitely worth reading... no matter how old your kids are. In fact, they should have titled it "Kidproofing Your Marriage" because it's applicable to parents with all ages of children up through even elementary school.

Why focus on a marriage book in a daddy blog?

Yeah, I know this isn't "hub-eblog", but the authors of this book said it best: "A husband and wife's relationship is the linchpin of the family. When it falters, a child's world is unhinged." Powerful words, and absolutely the truth!

UPDATED Apr 13, 2007:

My favorite part of the book so far is it's emphasis on helping dads understand literally what the hell happened to their wives once the kids arrived, and explaining who is the strange person now occupying their bodies.

There's this thing called a "Mommy Chip" that gets activated after that first child is born... definitely worth reading about if you're trying to understand why sex is usually the last thing on her mind, and why you feel like the kids get all the attention and you're just a means to a paycheck.

But be warned - you'll hear from the wive's perspectives as well, and it might completely change the way you think about your marriage relationship. It hits hard at times, and made me squirm - even put the book down and wait a few days to pick it back up... but I'm glad I did, and it continues to provide me with plenty of challenging and encouraging thoughts that I think will make me a better dad.

Looking back on first quarter results as a dad left me with a list of goals for this quarter.

Does that sounds too much like what a CEO would say? Well, I figure that if frequent evaluation and adjustment of goals based on previous performance and desired future results is part of the success circle at work, then why wouldn’t it apply on the home front too?

Here are the goals and principles I hope to achieve and stand by this quarter:

1. Say "Yes" as much as possible, even when "No" comes naturally or is easier.

I put this at the top of my list because being a natural pessimist means that the first word out of my mouth when my kids ask for a treat after dinner, or for the ice cream cone at McDonald’s, or to play a game after work, is usually "No". That is, unless I snap out of my business-focused mentality and remind myself that these are my kids, and that the effort I put into making their lives enjoyable now will pay off in huge dividends as they grow older.

I know that saying "Yes" isn't always the right answer – I don't have enough money to buy them all the things they ask for, and I can't always let them stay up late watching movies or playing with toys.

I'm mainly referring to the frequent extras that they ask me for that require me to invest time into their lives, or the small requests they make each day like "Dad, can we get a hot dog when we're done buying paint?" (which they asked me recently during a Home Depot trip, where the hot dog stand sits outside right by the Entrance – those guys at Home Depot are smart!)

2. Listen to my wife about family stuff - she's the resident expert.

At work, when it comes to computers and software, I'm the expert. But at home, my wife is the expert – she's a seasoned pro and is the most in-tune to the needs of our family than anyone else by several orders of magnitude.

Her expertise is an invaluable resource that can help me be a better dad, if I'm willing to ask, and more importantly if I’m willing to not let my feathers get ruffled when she corrects my parenting skills, or points out areas where I'm dropping the ball. I need to remind myself that she's thinking first of the kids, and second or third about my ego (if at all).

3. Stay fit.

I am 2 months away from turning 39, and my goal is to be in the best shape of my life by the time I turn 40. I want to increase the chances that I'll be around as long as possible for my family, and hope to have as much energy as possible so I can keep up with my kids and be an active part of their lives.

Since last October 2006, I've been bicycling and working out at the gym several times a week. I've lost 14 lbs and 35 points of cholesterol, and as soon as I drop another 10 lbs I'll be exactly where I want to be.

But I have to stick with it, since the pounds come back on fast at my age, and the cardio goes downhill fast if I take even a couple weeks off.

4. Apologize when I make mistakes.

Did you know that it's ok to apologize when you make a mistake? And you will (I make them frequently).

I want my kids to develop humility, and that’s something that has to be modeled, not preached. That means seeking forgiveness in the heat of the moment, not after my ego has had a chance to cool off.

5. Be a coach (and an automatic hero).

T-ball starts today for my son Regan, and it won't be long before soccer season starts up again. Last year I coached soccer for Delaney's team and absolutely loved it, and coached Bridgett's team a couple years before that.

I knew almost zip about soccer when I agreed to coach the team. I literally was on google the week before, looking up the rules and trying to find some good drills and game plays! At age 7, the girls figured I knew everything regardless, and we ended up having a great time.

I figure I'm going to be there at the practices anyway, so I might as well contribute and have an impact by being a coach or a coaching assistant. And let me tell you, it's one of the most rewarding things to see a kid improve and gain confidence in themselves, and to know that you were a big part of making that happen.

Here's a handly list of Tools and their REAL uses (you may have seen a few of these posted on the web, but you'll find several extras in this must-have guide for dad's tools):

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "YEOWW ...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used to create blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
1/2 inch socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. Also commonly used to make gaping holes in walls when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

As a general rule of thumb in our house, we allow our kids 2 hours of "screen time" a day. They can choose to use their screen time for TV, computer games, or GameBoy/Nintendo DS.

When they choose computer time, they have several online destinations that offer some amazing high-quality games starring their favorite TV, movie, and toy characters - all completely free. Here are a few of their favorites (side note: kids love to be interviewed about stuff like this):

hotwheels.com barbie.com nickjr.com disney.com hasbro.com

The games are great, and I'm thrilled with the price, but I'm a little concerned that they'll end up browsing to some less kid-friendly sites on the web while I'm not watching. They wouldn't do that intentionally (not yet anyway), but the possibility is there as they get older and learn to use the browser to explore other online sites like youtube or myspace.

It's impossible and impractical to monitor everything our kids do online (who has time to sit behind their kid for a half hour while they play on the computer??), so we also encourage them to check out games on CD from their school library, which they do. Still a great price (free), but they have to return them in a week or so.

I also recently learned about the Family Savings Outlet, where we can get popular game titles delivered on CD for a very affordable price ($4.95 each and just over a dollar for shipping). They have software for both fun and learning, with titles that are targetted to specific age groups.

It's nice that there are several options for screen time, but I think it's also important to encourage some regular board games - ya know, the kind where you actually sit down and play with each other, in person.

Our two favorite family games are Uno Spin and Zooreka. They're loved by everyone from our 5 year-old son to our 9 year-old daughter, and are fast paced enough to keep everyone's attention (even mine).

The real reason they love the games though is because it's a chance to hang out with dad (and mom too). For me it's a chance to turn off work and have fun with my kids, while helping them become better competitors - gracious when they win, and respectful to each other when they disagree with a play.

Which reminds me - it's been a while since we had a family game night. It's definitely time!

Spring is here and if you're like me then your "Honey Do" list has started to grow as fast as your lawn. But there's a sweet side to the situation if you play your cards right - the chance to score some new power tools!

Let's face it guys, you know as well as I do that just asking your wife if you can buy a new powertool - out of the blue - is flat out not going to work. What? You claim you don't have to ask? Ha, I call bull.

But if you start on a house project before posing the question to The Committee, then you have at least a 50% chance of closing the deal. Don't ask before you start the project either, or she'll be the one calling bull before you can even get the car keys out for the trip to Home Depot.

My current project is putting window seats in the kid's rooms upstairs. The window space is just under 5 feet wide, and I built 3 cubbies for easy access to toys. I just finished the first coat of primer and should get the final finishing coat on tonight.

This was of course all my wife's design. She designs - I build. It's a beautiful system that works great for us.

Now, in order to do this job right, I really needed a nail gun. Fortunately I already have an air compressor, and Home Depot was having a sale on their Bostitch nail guns for about $90. It's pretty much one model up from their bottom end, but I'm not going to be using it for any industrial contract projects, so it'll be fine for home use.

The nail gun made a huge difference in the project, and I'll be able to use it for future projects too.