At work, an open door policy means that employees are encouraged to talk with their managers about any concerns they may have. However, the effectiveness of such policies are only as good as the manager's approachability. His or her willingness to listen, validate, and work through the problem with the employee has a huge effect on their relationship with the employee. It only takes one or two run-ins with a brisk, arrogant manager, and employees won't make any further attempts to communicate.

I think it's the same way at home with my kids. I want them to communicate with me about their lives - especially as they get older. But I know their willingness to talk with me about things that matter to them is linked to how I respond to them when they're frustrated with me.

One of the things my wife and I encourage our kids to do is to make "When you, I feel" statements to both of us. When I lose my temper or make a bad disciplinary decision, I want them to come to me and say things like "When you were mad at me it hurt my feelings", or "It hurt my feelings when you weren't willing to listen to my side of the story".

Instilling these kinds of communication skills in our kids is something that I hope will help them deal with their own relational issues.

Just last night, one of Delaney's friends lost his temper and snipped at her about something she had accidentally done to him. He thought she was intentionally trying to annoy him, but I could see that it was completely unintentional (I saw the situation unfold during a youth event at our church).

Delaney was close to tears, but her friend didn't even notice. I asked her about it this morning and encouraged her to talk to her friend at school, and to let him know that it was an accident and that his response hurt her feelings.

I think this will help make her a more confident person, and will help her realize that it's "ok" to confront friends and family when something is bothersome, or when your feelings are hurt.